Do you have any friends or colleagues
who are negative? If so, you’ll know they aren’t the most enjoyable people to
be around. Negative people can be real downers in any conversation. No matter
what you say, they have a way of spinning things in a negative direction. Some
negative people can be so negative that it feels draining just being around
them.
Here, I’ll share with you 9 tips to
deal with negative people in your life:
1) Don’t get into an argument
One of the most
important things I learned is not to debate with a negative person. A negative
person likely has very staunch views and isn’t going to change that just because
of what you said. Whatever you say, he/she can find 10 different reasons to
back up his/her viewpoint. The discussion will just swirl into more negativity,
and you pull yourself down in the process. You can give constructive comments,
and if the person rebutts with no signs of backing down, don’t engage further.
2) Empathize with them
Have you ever
been annoyed by something before, then have someone tell you to “relax”? How
did you feel? Did you relax as the person suggested or did you feel even more
worked up?
From my
experience, people who are negative (or upset for that matter) benefit more
from an empathetic ear than suggestions/solutions on what he/she should do. By
helping them to address their emotions, the solutions will automatically come
to them (it’s always been inside them anyway).
3) Lend a helping hand
Some people
complain as a way of crying for help. They may not be conscious of it though,
so their comments come across as complaints rather than requests. Take the onus
to lend a helping hand. Just a simple “Are you okay?” or “Is there anything I
can do to help you?” can do wonders.
4) Stick to light topics
Some negative
people are triggered by certain topics. Take for example: One of my friends
sinks into a self-victimizing mode whenever we talk about his work. No matter
what I say (or don’t say), he’ll keep complaining once we talk about work.
Our 1st
instinct with negative people should be to help bring them to a more positive
place (i.e. steps #2 and #3). But if it’s apparent the person is stuck in
his/her negativity, the unhappiness may be too deeply rooted to address in a
one-off conversation, or for you to help him/her unravel it. Bring in a new
topic to lighten the mood. Simple things like new movies, daily occurrences,
common friends, make for light conversation. Keep it to areas the person feels
positive towards.
5) Ignore the negative comments
One way to help
the negative person “get it” is to ignore the negative comments. If he/she goes
into a negative swirl, ignore or give a simple “I see” or “Ok” reply. On the
other hand, when he/she is being positive, reply in affirmation and enthusiasm.
Do this often and soon he/she will know positivity pays off. He/she will adjust
to be more positive accordingly.
6) Praise the person for the positive things
Negative people aren't just negative to others. They’re also negative to themselves. If you
already feel negative around them, imagine how they must feel all the time.
What are the things the person is good at? What do you like about the person?
Recognize the positive things and praise him/her for it. He/she will be
surprised at first and might reject the compliment, but on the inside he/she
will feel positive about it. That’s the first seed of positivity you’re
planting in him/her and it’ll bloom in the long-term.
7) Hang out in 3′s or more people
Having someone
else in the conversation works wonders in easing the load. In a 1-1
communication, all the negativity will be directed towards you. With someone
else in the conversation, you don’t have to bear the full brunt of the
negativity. This way you can focus more on doing steps #1 (Empathizing) and #2
(Helping the person).
8) Be responsible for your reaction
Whether the
person is negative or not, ultimately you’re the one who is perceiving the
person is negative. When you recognize that, actually the negativity is the
product of your lens. Take responsibility for your perceptions. For every
trait, you can interpret it in a positive and a negative manner. Learn to see
the goodness of the person than the negative. It may be tough initially, but
once you cultivate the skill, it becomes second nature.
9) Reduce contact with them / Avoid them
If all else
fails, reduce contact with them or avoid them altogether. If it’s a good
friend, let him/her know of the severity of the issue and work it out where
possible. It’s not healthy to spend too much time with people who drain you.
Your time is precious, so spend it with people who have positive effects on you.
No comments:
Post a Comment